This post is a cry for help. I can’t stand this anymore. Everywhere I go, this stupid orange shitstain somehow finds me and ruins my life. No matter how many defense mechanisms I have, it always come back.
Yesterday, I was working at my job when I heard it. That fateful sound of a stat drop. I quickly leaped out of my chair and turned around, but the fucker had already used intimidate on all of my coworkers. I ran towards the [wonderful person] to punch him, but he set up stealth rocks in my cubicle, preventing me from working again. I quickly bolted to the office fridge to grab some ice cubes, but by the time I screamed “KYUREM USE ICE BEAM” the fucker had already u-turned out the window. I couldn’t work anymore because of the stealth rocks, so I had to leave so I could get a defog tm from my car.
As I grabbed the defog tm from my car, the thing jumped me from behind and used knock off, smacking the tm into the middle of the road. Before I could go grab it, a car raced by and crushed the tm, making it worthless. As I was standing there, shocked by what happened, the orange demon used earthquake on my car, giving me 4 flat tires simultaneously. Filled with rage, I grabbed a keldeo plush from my car, shoved a pair of spectacles onto its face, and hurled it at the thing, while screaming “KELDEO USE HYDRO PUMP.” Just like always, however, my hydro pump missed, and the fucker u-turned away again.
After I took a bus home, I was exhausted. As I was lying in my bed, depressed, my 6-year old daughter came into the room. She started talking about her favorite TV show, when suddenly, her face began to change. No. NO. As she continued talking, her face continued to morph, until it was identical to Landorus-Therian. I was ready this time, though. I quickly kicked off my shoes, revealing that I had duct-taped ice cubes to my feet. I then proceeded to triple axel the ever loving [heck] out of that thing. I looked up and screamed with joy, thinking it was all over. However, as I came to my senses, I saw my daughter unconscious on the floor and realized what I had done. The orange [wonderful person] had tricked me. My wife stood in the doorway, shocked, before she pulled out her phone and dialed 911. I’m writing this in the woods right now, the police are probably going to find me soon.